Valid Time


 To ever think I was once in love with someone I thought I could bring love and happiness to at the expense of mine got me questioning how less I once loved my beautiful self. Sometimes you just fall in love with the wrong person because you don't value yourself, seeking validation from others. Stepping away from this mindset has allowed me to put myself out there casually and nonchalantly. You know, just have fun and step out of your comfort zone, normalising rebellious attitudes. 


I felt so confined as a child that I just wanted to exercise my freedom. I often worry about what others think of me, and unconsciously judge myself, but then why should I? No one truly understands my horror nor do they have the slightest idea how bumpy my path has been. People only understand what they choose to understand, why care so much? breaking free from negative circles should take precedence over meeting societal expectations.

 

The experiences I have had so far have had a positive impact on my self-impression, but I definitely wouldn't want to go through them again in my next life. I hope for a different, less chaotic, and more romantic one. I love romance.  Society often portrays romance as although it's a fairytale. They say don't love hence you get heartbroken, everyone seems to be wearing emotional armour. 

The world is full of damaged hearts, intentionally and unintentionally corrupting and causing pain to the innocent. How do I love someone without having ten thousand reasons not to? It's complicated.

Sometimes I just want to focus on me, my life, and my endeavours, and bring my visions to life, but how do you walk through life alone? How do you wake up in the morning every single day, knowing it's just you and your pillow? It's fun when you are in a great mood, but that moment you just want to talk, act petty, or let out your inner child, just feels different and sour. 


 I have had some experiences with humans that have often led me to a space of questioning my existence and wishing I was an alien. I haven't seen an alien in person but at least I have seen humans, I've lived and dwell among them, eat, sleep, and get high with them. 

I have been through the highs and lows of societal space. Even though I can not help but admit that I was at some point in my life I was able to find solace in them, which sometimes makes me feel like a social nerd, because, finding solace or not, they are complicated to deal with. 

I am far from perfect, but evaluating myself, I know I have a big heart, that has seemed to be more like a curse than a blessing. I often feel like a refuse dump where people come to dump their pain, where they come to find solace and leave me broken without a second thought. I feel broken, confused, and miserable. Each time I have to pick myself up brings me to tears, and I vow never to let it happen again. However, I tend to let my guard down whenever I see a bleeding heart. I like to think of myself as a strong soul. The ability to pick me up and heal as if I was never broken should be a virtue. I wish. 

Do I have regrets? Of course, who doesn't? But would I change it if I ever had the opportunity to go back in time? Capital NO. Life is not fair, only when you have nothing that brings you pain when you look back. Because that would mean you are the only one in the world standing in that space.


I have shed bitter tears that came from the deepest part of me, but I healed. I have been obligated to take the path I ordinarily wouldn't have chosen but I am fine, I have learned to choose patience, love myself, and believe in myself, I am happy. Most importantly I am glad that I am not afraid of falling in love, kissing passionately, and making love with the whole of me. I am grateful that I will have a family that will benefit from my unconditional love, and fill my big heart, as it will always be seen as a blessing rather than a curse. 

Embracing self-love, overcoming past experiences, and navigating the complexities of human relationships are recurring theme, selfcare should be prioritize before all else in you life journey. As you continue to grow, aspire to find solace in your own company, cherish your aspirations, and cultivate unconditional love within yourself. While the path may be challenging, remain determined to embrace the fullness of life with an open heart. Here's to a future filled with love, resilience, and unwavering self-belief.


With love and warmth,

Moonlight Ruona Amreta

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