Rising From Rock Bottom

 

Hitting rock bottom several times can be very traumatic, especially when it is both financial and emotional.

There have been moments in my life where nothing worked no matter how hard I tried. Everything seemed to move against me. I was left completely confused and hopeless. And when I say everything, I mean everything.

My relationships would suddenly go cold for no clear reason. Breakups would happen out of nowhere. My finances would freeze, like a door had been shut in my face. And there I was, left in the cold, carrying questions with no answers.

My first encounter with this phase was brutal. I thought it was because I was naive because I lacked confidence, self-esteem, worth, and purpose. My boyfriend at the time ended our relationship in a way that completely broke me. I almost took my own life. My future felt foggy.

Yes, I lacked clarity. But deep down, I knew I wasn’t incapable. I knew what I could become if I was in the right environment.

Like a typical Nigerian, I concluded in my heart that it had to be a spiritual attack. Maybe generational curses. Maybe something from my mother’s or father’s side.

So I turned to spirituality. I went to church more, prayed harder, worshipped deeper. I kept pushing.

But life began to unfold in ways I wasn’t taught to expect. Slowly, some of my father’s words about life started to make sense. My “God forbid” mindset began to shift into “what’s the worst that could happen?”

The very things I once saw as taboo became tools for survival.

Somewhere along the way, I changed from being a “daddy’s princess” to becoming the woman who had to lead, protect, and figure things out for herself.

Losing my father felt like losing guidance at a time I needed it the most. 

Nothing prepares you for the realities of life

the manipulation, the gaslighting, the quiet suffering.

Figuring life out on your own leaves bruises you can’t always explain.

And as someone who feels deeply, who absorbs energy, I can honestly say it has been emotionally exhausting

I started working on my self-worth.

I began to restrategize my life.

I started asking myself hard questions:

What do I really want?

What do I actually need?

And how do I get there?

But it’s crazy how you can think you’re making progress, only to find yourself hitting rock bottom again… and again.

I’ve watched people around me move forward while I felt stuck in the same place, wondering what they were doing differently.

I’ve walked straight into traps in broad daylight out of desperation, out of the need to survive.

I’ve also been in relationships that were not serving me.

Not because I didn’t know better but because I wanted somewhere to belong.

Imagine being with a man who only calls you when it’s convenient.

A man who doesn’t ask how you’re doing, doesn’t care about your life, doesn’t support you emotionally or financially.

A man you have to convince to pay for your cab fare the same cab you took just to see him.

And yet, you stay.

Not just out of love. Not out of loneliness.

But because you need somewhere to escape reality.

The irony? I found myself pouring into him intentionally, convincing myself that he has great potential, with an intention of helping him look beyond the present.

Daydreaming about his success forgetting I’ve got potential’s too and needed someone to believe in me.

Building emotional attachment, falling more in love because I believe we could be a power couple.

All while I was drowning in confusion, in bills, in financial pressure.

Every time I thought I had overcome a phase, life introduced a new struggle I never saw coming.

But through it all, my greatest accomplishment has not been money or stability.

It has been growth.

Mental growth.

Emotional maturity.

Clarity.

Learning how to redirect myself back to my path.

I’ve learned that I don’t need to belong anywhere to feel whole.

I’ve learned that self-worth sometimes means walking alone even when it’s uncomfortable.

I’ve learned that life will test you, not to destroy you, but to reveal your breaking points and your strength.

Religion is good.

Spirituality is important.

But I’ve also come to realize that sometimes, our limitations come from the very beliefs we were taught not to question.

Learning to be dynamic instead of dogmatic has brought me more peace than fear ever did.

I have risen from rock bottom many times.

Not because I had all the answers but because I chose to face my reality.

I broke away from certain traditions.

I stepped beyond mental barriers.

I accepted that everyone’s path is different.

If you ever feel like giving up, just know I have given up a thousand times in my mind.

It is natural to feel overwhelmed.

It is natural to feel tired.

But even in uncertainty, there is always something to hold on to.

And one of my biggest lessons?

Having a big heart is not the problem.

But having a big heart without boundaries will make you a victim.

Loving genuinely does not mean losing yourself.

It does not mean accepting less than you deserve.

You can be soft and still be strong.

You can love deeply and still choose yourself.

I am still rising.